over fortys…


I dreaded turning 30.
we al did in school where I taught.
staffroom was divided as if by invisible barriers into the mens corner…the oldies corner…the unclassified odds and oddities ..and our youngtable.
our young table got more cluttered annually. we could, if we were the last few in, be so far back as to not be able to reach the table.
so 30 meant you were clinging on in young corner…then one day I realised the odd corner looked roomy and wasn’t pushed on many of the young ones…nothing in common I suppose…
so the hurdle of 30 and of not being the young one went…anticlimactically.

40 didn’t pose the same dread.
and now I have to say,that with 40 came a sense of enjoyment I hadn’t expected.

¤

I was confident in my professional life
¤I easily used the word NO at work
¤ithen looked at life in the same way
¤my job was purely what paid my wages…and while I never gave it less than 100% I worked all outwhile there so that it.     didn’t invade my real life
¤I decided that my kids needed me and went to working part time.
¤family thought I was mad…a great job like that…but it felt so right.
¤life had become complicated…my health suffered…so was an easy decision to retire
¤was I sad? no. it was necessary.

life is different now.
yes my health and fitness are rubbish…and become more complicated by the year….
BUT
I know now what matters
its taken a lot of tough experiences to let me see you can’t plan for the stepford ending.
don’t want that..its the now…the silly wee things.
the choice to do what I want to or say no
the acknowledgement that am an old crock and the acceptance isn’t easy!
friends are quality rather than quantity.
bullshit tolerance is zero
if I want to get jammies on and watch tv instead of going out I do.
I spend time with people I love.
I pace it …as I want to.
no pressure…
my speed.
real things matter…not the little silly things I used worry about…
I enjoy the people am with or choose not to be with them.

this is the age of world leaders.
I say my piece to anyone.
a system I don’t like I take on.
I deal with bigwigs…what are they? normal..and if they need listen I make them
I second guess my doctors.
I tell schools my kids needs.
I fight for what matters…
I do it for my family…
I do it because I can…I know I can…cos I have nothing to prove
and because I have lived enough to know I have earned that right.

long way from the huge…what if I move tables in the staffroom?

like being midle aged…
those stretchmarks are stripes I have earned!!

hx

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