aside “50 shades of Day”….highs and lows …2012 …..

the lows:

why are they always way easier to get on paper? i think i want to go for it first so i can end with the positives… So here we go…

  1. my daughter was only with us very briefly at Christmas
  2. my father-in-law died – beautifully of old age in his sleep.
  3. my husbands surgery was not the simple outcome it was meant to be – the goalposts of our life moved.
  4. we had a month of life in transit- postsurgical complications.
  5. a drug of convenience irreversibly changed life- idiosyncratic reaction.
  6. quiet months
  7. doctors appointments
  8. A-levels for manchild who was stepping up to help us out.
  9. transfer of schools to decide for aspergers son – and not time i would have imagined to do all.
  10. migraines.
  11. one doctor throws down the challenge – burden of finding studies
  12. 6 weeks of phD style research- 10 hours a day.
  13. burnt out ,and too tired to do days away with kids
  14. miserable weather in summer
  15. mam’s condition degenerated visibly
  16. few friends are there for the long haul…discover again and again.
  17. tribunal -error against me- worry – pressure
  18. become very very unfit and limited in health.
  19. new tests reveal brain lesion
  20. follow up appointment shows also a chiari malformation
  21. neurological symptoms too often- slurred speech, numbness, pims and needles, days when i can barely waken up!
  22. feel useless physically
  23. outlook on few friends bleak.
  24. life is so challenging
  25. constant appointments…

the highs:

  1. Christmas this year a longer time together
  2. memories of singing Silent Night with Father-in-law will always be strong. he had decided that had enough life.
  3.  Husband doing fairly well all considered.
  4. We had our manchild part of the macRory Cup team – which gave us so much to look forward to and to enjoy when we needed a direction and momentum.
  5. At last we have doctors looking into Hubs care properly and acknowledging what we have had to show happened.
  6. A-levels went really well and thankfully – as he more than deserved it.
  7. Daughter got her place in Medicine – a new start on a course she should love.
  8. Aspergers son has settled extremely well into the school we chose – he is a work in progress , but a very happy one…we have to keep working on that – another positive focus.
  9. we had a good family holiday in a beautiful part of Tunisia.
  10. my parents and our ill friends are still here- in whatever form- they are here.
  11. Musically i have enjoyed a lot of exciting and varied events. We sang for the Queen – such a historical moment.
  12. our youngest son has gained strength and stamina though the tougher times. He is a great child.
  13. Sons brought us to football matches all summer – a real family event – love the gaelic culture.
  14. Neurosurgeon now looking into my care , so new year will be progress of some type.
  15. Cardiology appointment to sort too…it has to change …progress of some type again?
  16. Songs of Praise – televised appearance for Choir.
  17. Directed a successful and enjoyable musical theatre production.
  18. have developed a very strange sense of black humour …
  19. kids are very happy and healthy!
  20. am trying to appreciate the NOW…not beat myself up about the past or panic about the future…. what-ifs aren’t a focus now.
  21. enjoy our appointment days together – appreciate each other’s company more perhaps?
  22. A highly successful cross-community Carol Service – while other people threw stones about political differences.
  23. Last week arranged and performed a Carol Concert for the town – with a superlative musician, and was appreciated greatly by local Community and although it was demanding on my decrepit body was so fulfilling musically!
  24. We have Christmas Day to look forward to – and have been gathering up the teenaged family as it approaches.
  25. We are all above ground… Not done by a long shot!


  1. Thanks so much for sharing what are your innermost feelings.
    You deserve to be surrounded by great friends as you are so honest and down to earth.
    I really hope 2013 treats you and your family better and you get to the bottom of your health issues. God knows you deserve that at least. Hope all improves with jimmy too.
    Have a beautiful Christmas and please try and rest
    I.know that word hasn’t been in your vocabulary. But you do know that your health issues are exacerbated by doing too much.
    So feet up and drink in hand.
    Merry Christmas and Happy and Healthy 2013.

    • i will Catherine…
      will be a new word…for a while…i hope. But i tend to be even more stiff when i stop moving.
      This year will not be going in imagining there is a plan or script…one day at a time.
      Life craps on us all at different times.
      And THANKS for being there for me.

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