growing up…at 48


imagesI knew growing old was mandatory

but i think there are options around growing up!

my husband flatly refuses to!

But I have gradually – unplanned – and possibly gradually grown up in the last few years.

I think part of the METHOD which is involved in growing up, is that life has to throw a fair amount of unplanned, uncontrollable, unimaginable SHIT at you.

I remember when i was young…younger…that

  • i didn’t have the confidence i do now.
  • I was a compliant good girl.
  • i was an obliging colleague
  • advised by my childminder on my kids
  • needing validation from my parents
  • what people thought of me mattered
  • i would NOT challenge authority.

then life demanded me to be able to adjust. i had to while running around trying to keep sanity that :

  • there is no normal…
  • that you don’t have a planned existence where each of the children has a bruise-free existence,
  • where you and your other half work until you are old enough to retire and
  • THEN you enjoy life…
  • take trips to the beach,
  • read novels….

what a reality check! you don’t plan hardship. You don’t imagine your family being thrown a grenade and you all doing what you can to hang in there!

I remember talking to a very wise friend at one stage when absolutely hanging to sanity by my finger nails…

” i just want things to go back to normal!”

and she wisely but simply said

Helen THIS is NORMAL

and from then on things had to be flexible.

I was doing to life what i laughed at my father doing every Autumn, as he daily swept up the leaves as they fell… I was trying to CONTROL the world.

once I acknowledged that i wasn’t able to, and that when it wasn’t my turn to wade through the CRAP, it was someone else’s. its always somebody’s turn.

But i see now that i have grown up!

  • i don’t look for advice from my parents – they are old
  • i can’t run a smooth life for my children but i can be here when they want me to HUG them.
  • i cant control illness as it controls my life
  • i cant predict health – as nobody saw what was coming to us last year.
  • i don’t worry what people think of me.
  • when i do something i do it well – IF i agree to do it.
  • i take no orders – work or personal.
  • i make decisions – never feel i “have to” do anything.
  • i will never be owned in a work type situation..never
  • i will never be treated rudely – without correcting it.
  • i will NOT be bullshitted by anyone, in any profession, in any position
  • i am as able mentally as i have ever been.
  • i fear nobody – i deal with all i need to easily.
  • i am happy to be as confident as i am now
  • i exist in local community – i dont have to try to please all
  • i challenge -a wrong – to me or to anyone else.
  • i dont tolerate rudeness
  • i am not ignorant and aggressive but i am direct and outspoken
  • and i will manage the healthcare professionals i deal with to have best health i can.
  • i can disagree – read up – and be taken seriously…its okay to do that
  • i won’t be a doormat!

i LIKE being grown up!

 

Hx

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2 comments

  1. Hey, I just stopped in to visit your site and thought I’d say I enjoyed myself.I like this post, enjoyed this one thanks for putting up. “Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee and just as hard to sleep after.”

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