as continued for yesterdays blog…
Today i had to be free for a 4 hour period.
That was ok.
Horrible but ok.
I didn’t know the gender, age, experience, personality of this person.
Just a NAME.
An hour – and then advises on me,
on my life.
my needs for care,
from a STRANGER.
feels so cold.
She was a She.
i was dosing when she arrived.
Had had a terrible sleep last night…worry…and pain.
Husband brought her in.
She was polite.
Questions SHOT out – like BULLETS
answers have given whe next one started.
- what conditions do you have
- what clinics are you currently attending
- since when?
- what scans have you had,
- how often do you attend…
She didn’t have a copy of my form
Had my GP had it first, or had i been asked, this could have been filled out!
- A+E treatments?
husband had a list of my drug cocktail
saved at least 10 minutes!
and a letter on Mental health from my Psychologist
very honest –
gave those to her.
Then onto the re-run of the form
- toilet is?
- describe your day!….my DAY?? WHAT DAY????
some of the time , i held her BACK- she would feel i had answered enouh, but there was MORE…lots MORE that i needed to tell.
i don’t think half of THAT ended on page.
then can i examine you?
- i can do so little what can she make me do?
- can’t reach past my knees.
- cant raise left leg
- pusle rose on walking slowly to other side of room
- refused to do stairs…but described the demoralising thing that has become.
- sounded me, chest, heart
- weight – i told her about this problem as issue.
- how often do i have headaches?
- OT – aids, suggestions,….
Then she started to write…and write….
about 15 minutes that were about ME.
can i be summarised as an entity by that?
how had i been assessed in that?
i sat in very miserable silence aware that i had been JUDGED somehow.
it’s a HORRIBLE feeling.
even in a court, you have a defence
you have time to talk
this was NOT enough!
At the end of an hour and 12 minutes , she said, that her report is not the decision, it goes back to the decision maker….
Can we get a copy?
yes of course – apply in writing.
I asked her, please could i at a HUMAN level, not formally – but it was crucial to ME -ask if she understood and BELIEVED me, when i described how SHIT my life is?
She gave me a genuine smile…i think…
and said “Oh YES“…with a pity in her eyes.
it really sounded Human!