balanced…


BALANCE-rank2

a word that suggested superman like stone structures and ballerina type movement and body awareness

 

BALANCE..

an ironic word for me now.

my BALANCE is not working properly, due to:

  • my chiari malformation
  • my having had a benign lump removed from my left side of brain
  • my post surgical foramen magnum decompression
  • my meningitis whilst in hospital.
  • eenie-meenie-miney-mo

what odds WHICH one is the cause, i have the result.

my “VESTIBULAR SYSTEM” – which i think is almost the real word for my balance, is askew!.

and as it belongs to part of my already defective brain, we can expect only so much from it, while all the time trying our damnedest to fix it.

Questions on balance….

here we go –

 

quesio - Copy

 

a yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and YES!

i tick ALL those boxes.physio

i do work on my vestibular rehab (secretly LOVE the phrase) with my physiotherapist who is a lovely and very patient man.

He does all this flinging my head around, and watching my eyes NOT cooperate, as they don’t.vesrtib3 - Copy

and plenty of trying to focus on something while moving.

i HAVE to say am like a tightrope walker – except that my tight rope has a layer of ice on it, and i am crossing it petrified. My brain doesn’t naturally remember where the floor is, even on 10 repeats of a bend, or tap. Amazingly stupid but true! This is HOW i feel walking across the room in physiovestib2 - Copy

these throwing “me” not in a painful way into various positions while head points in weird angles throughout can trigger a gamut of weirdness:

vestib

  • the i feel sick
  • the room is spinning
  • the almost faint darkness round the edges feeling
  • one eye stops tracking
  • the other eye starts twitching
  • today my new one was not BLINKING as a pair.
  • and strangely i can concentrate now and feel them doing these things, but NOT stop them doing these things!

balanc - Copy

i REALLY have no connection with reality of me, in space, and even worse where is neutral, stable, safe – especially difficult if things are also moving around me.

am training myself to almost BLINKER out the other moving objects as it makes it much more dizzy

when watching a football match when 2 teams play in plain green with white shorts against striped green and white tops throws me into a whirl….

stroke2

 

so BALANCE…..BALANCE….if there was BALANCE of any sort i would not have HAD both the chiari malformation and a benign vascular mass in my head. so wham goes statistical balance and probability.

The BALANCE now….images (4) - Copy

is the balance of A: i should contact my specialists when i have a new symptom, as opposed to

B: if i email them i will piss them off.

on BALANCED REFLECTION i emailed both my ophthalmologist and my neurosurgeon for follow ups.

it’s all ONE BIG IMBALANCE…or I AM IMBALANCED…

body

 

 

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