i have cleansed my head of hurts.
i have HA to learn to despite injustices, look after myself.
it pained me
affected me terribly physically and emotionally.
you will never appreciate how much.
i had to STOP
STOP feeling the depth of pain
this is survival
counselled how to survive.
an in waking hours i can erase so much.
know securely that i could have no nothing else
there will never be righting of wrongs.
but time and God I am sure have truth.
but how deep has torture been when it continues to trample through my dreams…
muddy black footprints again and again…
wounds paining acutely again.
i waken up realising the apology was only dreamt
ANGRY at myself…as much as i have worked through and managed the conscious thought, my mind still obviously hosts all at a subconscious level. my brain lets me down. I can’t control my dreams
i didn’t KNOW pain could be SO deep and pervasive….that it can sneak out through my subconscious…and leave me waking, with those thoughts again and again!
please GOD…make it stop!