subconscious torture.

i have cleansed my head of hurts.

i have HA to learn to despite injustices, look after myself.

it pained me

scarred me

affected me terribly physically and emotionally.

you will never appreciate how much.

i had to STOP

STOP feeling the depth of pain


this is survival

counselled how to survive.


an in waking hours i can erase so much.

know securely that i could have no nothing else

there will never be righting of wrongs.

but time and God I am sure have truth.


but how deep has torture been when it continues to trample through my dreams…

muddy black footprints again and again…

same people…

similar scenarios…

wounds paining acutely again.

i waken up realising the apology was only dreamt

ANGRY at myself…as much as i have worked through and managed the conscious thought, my mind still obviously hosts all at a subconscious level. my brain lets me down. I can’t control my dreams

i didn’t KNOW pain could be SO deep and pervasive….that it can sneak out through my subconscious…and leave me waking, with those thoughts again and again!




please GOD…make it stop!




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