in hindsight?


in hindsight?

it is a tragic sense of loss.

i had NO choices that i could have made differently…

other than being a trusting person…believing in good …

i could not do it differently if i had to do it again.

so hindsight is not of much worth to me. Can we all say that?

I know my strengths  –

  • i don’t assume them in a big headed way, but i thank God for what I am good at. I love my music and I use it with thought and intention. I am so grateful for the gift I was given and feel responsible for using it.
  • i am not complicated and have no agenda but to do my best at what i undertake
  • i have music – to presently help me heal, and i love that….
  • my direct openness…a strength…but used as my sword – the sword they made me fall on – the one they saw when they manipulated me and  made me throw myself on my morals
  • music -it saved the remains of my sanity

I know my weaknesses –

  • i assume that my friends trust me, know me and value me.
  • i will not lie
  • i am honest and direct
  • i hurt so deeply when you walked away
  • my music makes me vulnerable
  • i feel deeply – too deeply to pretend I am okay don’t do superficial and pretence.

i feel –

  • wiser now having encountered bitterness.
  • saddened- so very saddened.
  • more aware that people will knock you down! without a look back
  • so sad that as friends you walked past me when i was PUSHED down unfairly
  • a friend would not walk on they would help me up
  • a sense of loss and i grieve for people i miss
  • i grieve also for the truth..- what ACTUALLY happened…which became well hidden in carefully chosen small facts
  • a real friend would not wish to replace me
  • that victim sense of overwhelming hurt..which even whoen you think has numbed…is not…you dream of right situations.
  • a true friend would miss the part of my gift that i brought.
  • that i tried so many many ways to reach that hand your way….you didn’t take it…each time
  • disillusioned.
  • damaged
  • damaged physically and emotionally by so few.

f8

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