it is a tragic sense of loss.
i had NO choices that i could have made differently…
other than being a trusting person…believing in good …
i could not do it differently if i had to do it again.
so hindsight is not of much worth to me. Can we all say that?
I know my strengths –
- i don’t assume them in a big headed way, but i thank God for what I am good at. I love my music and I use it with thought and intention. I am so grateful for the gift I was given and feel responsible for using it.
- i am not complicated and have no agenda but to do my best at what i undertake
- i have music – to presently help me heal, and i love that….
- my direct openness…a strength…but used as my sword – the sword they made me fall on – the one they saw when they manipulated me and made me throw myself on my morals
- music -it saved the remains of my sanity
I know my weaknesses –
- i assume that my friends trust me, know me and value me.
- i will not lie
- i am honest and direct
- i hurt so deeply when you walked away
- my music makes me vulnerable
- i feel deeply – too deeply to pretend I am okay don’t do superficial and pretence.
i feel –
- wiser now having encountered bitterness.
- saddened- so very saddened.
- more aware that people will knock you down! without a look back
- so sad that as friends you walked past me when i was PUSHED down unfairly
- a friend would not walk on they would help me up
- a sense of loss and i grieve for people i miss
- i grieve also for the truth..- what ACTUALLY happened…which became well hidden in carefully chosen small facts
- a real friend would not wish to replace me
- that victim sense of overwhelming hurt..which even whoen you think has numbed…is not…you dream of right situations.
- a true friend would miss the part of my gift that i brought.
- that i tried so many many ways to reach that hand your way….you didn’t take it…each time
- damaged physically and emotionally by so few.