you don’t like my attitude?
i don’t like
- being disabled.
- legs working so poorly
- pain all the time
- fatigue you can not describe
- lack of communication between my brain and my body.
I also do not like the fact that my disability, is for life, is affecting me more and more as time passes.
It limits what I can do as a person.
- no cooking
- no cleaning
- VERY little walking
- LOTS of sleeping
- learning to develop a life of PREPARE – DO – RECOVER for even the mundane tasks.
- drugging up to the eyeballs to MANAGE at this level.
a long time of being ill forces a long period of being housebound.
- people know you won’t be able to go, so they rarely ask you
- friends move on with their busy lives and you feature less and less
- nobody really wants the honest answer to “are you ok?”
so i stay indoors. For a few years. 80% of my life at least. I have a choir once a week. I get a blow dry in my hair. I get gel nails every few weeks. I treat myself to a massage every few weeks. Otherwise no normal outings.
BECAUSE THE REALITY IS I CAN’T.
Acceptance is not easy.
This week tears have been so close at all times while i have had to confront the reality that i am virtually immobile. I had a few days out with the family i July, then a shopping day away at January sale time with my wheelchair. But this is not an option anymore as circumstances have changed.
i need one.
hurt to say it.
doesn’t MATTER if you tell me how much i will benefit…i HATE the concept.
this has singularly been the biggest acceptance so far.
i have NOTHING against the Chelsea Pensioners, bless them, but THIS to me represents the lack of dignity or maybe of individual personality afforded at so many times to disabled. We all do NOT need a red scooter. …with s TINY black basket.
so i don’t want the “one-shape-suits-all” raincoat EVER
HOW do you manage with normal brain cognitive function and personality, to carry of the PLASTIC-TENT known as rainwear.
i don’t want to.
i think there is more dignity to my limited life than this range of functional so will do rightly DISABILITY ACCESSORIES are designed with the assumption that they do the job, so will do rightly. THAT disgusts me.
Anyhow, wishing things were different makes no difference at all to the fact that i need a scooter NOW.
So i have had to cry buckets of tears , yet retain enough WILL to research for:
- a mobility scooter which looks LEAST like a mobility Scooter.
- a scooter which lad least plastic – albeit red, blue, or a flashy green or orange.
- no front basket. One under the chair.
- JUST the plastic cover for the electrics for now.
- the BAG to hold upright the cane (Hazel) who i need at all walking times.
- ATTITUDE to manage to do this.
- ATTITUDE to imagine my mobility scooter is a “SEGWAY”…cool and interesting.
- ATTITUDE to personalise the BAG which comes in “disabled-bland-with-hi-visibility” and make it become a bag with a bit of me.
It is now in the boot of the car.
i will be away with my family for next few days, using the scooter, with ATTITUDE!….
am DISABLED but determined to object to the neutrality and mobile tent-wear for as long as I can…
DISABLED with ATTITUDE.