as a reasonably clued in person, it is amazing that there are times i am so entirely out of my depth, fish out of water, and unable to look anything but STUPID!
- i have become one of the old people who do not know HOW to use all the gadgets in the house. Apple TV, Netflix…i feel like my parents – when i used to think how technology had passed them by. I now am the one who passes the remote to the children and ask THEM to put on whatever i can’t ….so sky+ is my limit!
2. when i admit that all those years. despite my anger and mistrust of the Health Service, at the first new ache or pain, what do i do? YEP i go to the doctor! I then give out about the doctor…but i still go! and yes even more stupid, i take more drugs! Are we programmed from childhood? Or am i an optimist….and i think the answer to that is for anyone who knows me… NO!
3. as i HATE lies…in ANY context…i assume that the world will accept truth as an admirable quality. Not that i want to be admired, but as someone all too familiar of the damage lies can do, I assume you represent yourself honestly, and all is ok. NOPE.
4. when i Commit to something…and i commit 100% – its all duck or no dinner. I still at 48 am personally disappointed at other people’s attendance and commitment. It really applies to musical events, attendance at rehearsals. there are those who like myself give it all, but then the fair weather attendees. And i feel annoyed. Case in point in theatre….extra curricular choir…football.
5. I like all mothers of a certain age NOW realise that despite being perfect parents…willing to do ANYTHING…change the world for our children…we have raised a completely USELESS generation! My son saw at 19, how to peel a spud last week. My daughter 21 , had to go to M&S to get veg and roasties. What have we done??? ruined them…
6. when i get excited about musical and mathematical facts that nobody else is remotely impressed at. I used do this while i taught and am afraid i never grew out of it. I could be so animated about the “hemiola affect in the cadential progression…” and then i look up . Or the fact that the maths has the unique satisfaction of being the only thing in life that you can ever achieve perfection in…and the silence swamps you.:/
7. I have got better at this, but there was a stage that i mistook people you worked with or spent time or knew for a long time with to be friends. Thay are not necessarily so at all! My years of sickness have really cleared perspective on this…very few of the “friends” bother about you after a few months. The ones who do are the friends. But really now i know work is a place you go to earn wages.
8. when i like to think that professionalism and ethics are linked. They are in some but they aren’t in at least as many others. That was something i assumed from when i worked. I cared! I evaluated and i adjusted.And an unusual learner, was a challenge! But no…too many people seem now to be bureaucratic professionals. That shocks me every time..yet should not.
9. just when i think life can slip no further down the “Christ what next” scale of ability to keep my head above water, it slips again! People forget the hardship and the crap that real life brings with it. They manage to lob pathetic shite at you…just when you really can’t take more.
10. depth. The depth of evil and lack of conscience in some people – thankfully i detach from most. BUT these people constantly pop up, and i am shocked. Am NOT a bad person. am an honest person with high standards, and a lot of honesty. But these people sink to new depths of depravity and yet seem unaffected and unbothered by any sort of kharma…it belittles the life we lead. I should at have seen it all, but nope…never.