stop making me a jigsaw AGAIN!


THREE YEARS AGO I WAS SO RELIEVED TO BE VIEWED AS A PERSON

AND NOT THE MEDICAL JIGSAW AND SUM OF MY CONDITIONS.

I WROTE THIS

I CAN STILL FEEL THE TEARS OF RELIEF WHERE AFTER THE 47 YEARS I HAD LIVED, I FELT THAT I WAS MORE THAN A SUM OF MY PROBLEMS:

  • THE ASTHMATIC?
  • THE SORE BACK?
  • THE DEPRESSED LADY?
  • OH NOW A NEW PAIN?
  • WHERE?
  • IS IT VISIBLE?

AND WE AS A HEALTH SYSTEM APPORTION AN AMOUNT OF TIME TO ONE ISSUE,

ADD ON ITS MEDICINE AND MOVE ON….

WE MEDICATE EACH ONE PIECE

BUT SO FEW SAW THE PICTURE…

THE WHOLE PICTURE.

I WANTED TO SCREAM:

“I AM AN INTEGRATED BEING.

I AM SO MUCH MORE THAN A SUM OF MY INDIVIDUAL PARTS”

images

i have BUILT a whole ME
despite my 47 lost years.
I NOW have concentrated effort – have an umbrella explanation for all the fragmented pieces these limited people saw, and have worked to become a me who has mental and emotional processes which are essentially connected to my physical structure and functions.
and yet STILL healthcare, and it’s tranche of “lets create-in-a-vacuum” – a vacuum where no common sense exists.
The grey people as i describe them, to me are a layer of paper makers, between front line necessary delivery of HELP, and a clinical and conceptual fund-holding………the faceless-nameless-soulless-grey-people-developers STILL produce these initiatives – with no follow through or measurement of real  human impact.
  • PROCESSES,
  • IMPROVEMENTS,
  • NEW PATHWAYS,
  • ASSESSMENTS
  • MEASUREMENT.
  • PAPERWORK
  • not per say designed to tick boxes, or worse even if thy were designed so as to save funding, and at their conception they never are – and i mean that….
BUT tools which can BLAST people into their jigsaws of self. Fragment them into physical tasks with no interest in emotional impact. Examination of a part of a person with no glimpse at the fallout for the person, or the family they occupy. 

I AM A PERSON.

a glued together- functioning- SYSTEM…not a selection of pieces. 

my physical limitations have a HUGE impact on my emotional life, my needs, my ability to manage as a person and in relation to other people.
STOP asking me to fragment…
i have BEEN there…
don’t make me have to go through all it took to be a PERSON.
i don’t even have the energy reserve to SHOUT now…

“I AM AN INTEGRATED BEING.

I AM SO MUCH MORE THAN A SUM OF MY INDIVIDUAL PARTS”

go away, please.
let me be.
some processes don’t FIT some people.
it’s far from a perfect me,
but 51 years it has taken to become.
it is ALL i can do to BE ME…
living with my limited health reserve, and trying my best to manage to be the best person i am… .stop trying to see me as the jigsaw i was once.
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