my husband…who is always is by my side.
i remember the first day he held my hand, I felt it was a man’s hand relative to previous boyfriends. He wasn’t older than they were, but I felt instantly protected…and have never stopped feeling that each time he takes my hand.
never doubting that i am doing my physical best. Never doubted my invisible but very real symptoms long before doctors managed to identify and label them …he accepted my health and helped me accordingly.
We are now 27 years married so now into the “in sickness” years, long past the “in health”ones. We never realised how that time wasn’t as simply divided as young and then older, retired…We like all others woke up one day, and faced the illness and conditions that the world threw at us. No more dancing with me…more walking with me wheeling myself…
He has had to adapt as my health slid, he morphed gently and uncomplaining form husband to carer – or caring husband. It’s difficult to have to be the one in the relationship being on the receiving end, but i know it must be difficult at either end. BUT that was our vows… and that’s i guess the reality in a lot of couples…the momentum changes as health effects them.
He stood beside me during dark days in my life, when what life threw my way simply flattened me and sent me into appropriate depressions. Some deeper than others. He knows i feel life at the highs and lows, and not a comfortable middle. I trusted HIM when it was time for me to get help, and he supported me at those times in any way. That can not be easy. He who WAITED for me to crawl myself up from the bad times, and knew that he would would be there for me again.…believing in me
Always there when i cry. For a small person there are so many tears, so OFTEN. But that’s because i ALLOW myself to be vulnerable, as i want to be OPEN, and feel….but he is there to talk me through..tears of grief…for people…for my ability as it was… for my real legs… for loneliness… for pain…for guilt in the extra pressure i cause on our family due to my disability. He is tolerant…mainly… but consistently there. And still making me smile.
For the last few years as i have come through so much emotionally and physically he has been beside me…the voice reminding me to allow myself to rest….suggesting that i don’t do too much on any one say…supporting me as i decided to begin to make music…
Sometimes i look over – during the BOX SET hour, and i wonder, HOW would i EVER have managed if it wasn’t him here? But i realise life sorted that out for us. His humour and my worry balanced. His procrastination and my list writing balanced. His sport an my music….we balanced each other out perfectly.
i amn’t even going to TRY to itemise the ways in which as a partner/Carer he HELPs…
I really couldn’t , as it’s so much entwined in ALL i manage to actually manage to do that i know many people wouldn’t realise our reality at all.
It isn’t all flowers and no “discussions!”….and we don’t agree on everything – oh no way!
and THAT…all of that is what LOVE is.
LOVE is so so much.
I Love you too.J