once upon a time…


  • clothes shopping was a treat
  • i had girls nights out
  • i CHOSE to do teaching and not to further a music performance career
  • i could open the wardrobe and feel oh yes…. not dread.
  • i was a professional suit wearing lady
  • i could choose to do impromptu lunch
  • i was a formidable crusader against poor health care provision
  • music was work
  • we went out for regular meals with our couples friends
  • i was the primary parent- the one you asked for info – who took charge of that part of life in the house
  • i went for walks- power-walks
  • i did pilates…several times a week.
  • when i needed to look good i could
  • i didn’t have pain all day
  • i didn’t sleep til middle of the day
  • i could take the car and drive off for the day
  • i could assume i would be able to.
  • i could plan ahead.
  • i knew what i could do always.
  • i could play effortlessly on piano as required
  • i thought i would grow old and retire…and hoped quietly it would be to the sea…the WAVES.
  • i became an expert on my son’s autism as i knew i needed to. no doubt there.
  • i’d visit.
  • people would visit us.
  • i was in control of me…
  • i could sleep without pain
  • i knew what size i was as mediation and stagnation was not an issue

 

and i don’t live happily ever after.

i live day to day.

limited every single day

isolated most of the time

assistance needed in everything.

i don’t really feel i live my life…at times…

other times i do try and i DO succeed to see the positives of being alive and having the family i have, and being able to do what i still can…however less that may be..it’s more than some people can. I AM lucky.

so happy ever after…to still be alive.

 

 

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