so i was at this party….

so i was at this party….

even OUT in a HOUSE with PEOPLE which for me is wow.

and i have a drink….

am on my second…

all going great.

make my way up the scary circular stairs to the loo – yes OBVIOUSLY white knuckled grip to banister…and I arrive safely.

i hear the photos are on.

up and down a few times.

OH (in my head i am ready for the recovery day for all the extra movement)…. but i am ENJOYING being a HUMAN!

hear  more fun….c’mon… “the cake”… ooh… and i go over to perch on the stool beside my littlest niece, and i hear it

C  r  a  c  k  

slow motion but my stool plastic is going, and another crack…and i feel it in frames…

i KNOW it’s a tiled floor.

i KNOW i have very little skull unopened at the back.

i am FALLING

all the way to the ground and all i can think of is

NOT MY HEAD...

please god                                                      not my head.. 

i LAND WITH ALL MY WEIGHT WITH A BANG…CHAIR BITS TOO……with both hands clenched tight protectively on the site of my scar …on my head surgery.

but with my head in my hands OFF the ground…. shouting “i didn’t’ HIT my head”.

but i lie in deafening silence with faces all above me. just trying to process WHAT part of my back took that weight. i can feel my arm hurt and my back but not my head.

a friend checks me.

i lie there processing.

then shock

then shivering

helped up after a while in stages.

COCA COLA – for sugar and shock.

home.

now?

24 hours later

i feel the IMPACT of the tension i put on my upper spine and neck and by referral the back of my head- me PUSHING it forward as i hurtled backward. It’s like a WHIPLASH.

writing

reading

looking forward

bending my neck forward on my spine

feeling the weight of my head

unsupporting my head

all hurts

i have a prickling agitation in my head….

i don’t know if that’s concussion but it doesn’t matter what it is labelled it HURTS.

NOTHING IS SIMPLE AFTER BRAIN SURGERY.

BUT “i didn’t hit my head”

i didn’t have to.

i can cause so much pain without that!

 

 

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