the top 10 advantages and disadvantages of being honest

WARNING…all views are my own!

some people perceive direct as aggressive –

it isnt!…

I am an extremely honest person. I have had experience with people who are NOT honest, and I can’t take that. So call it middle-age, gr0wing up, intolerance, but THIS IS ME… what you see is what you get!

advantages:

1. I always know what i mean, as i don’t hold back – in the case of  asking me to produce a musical event, i will be so honest and demanding of those involved, it will  be really good! in other words something you believe in you throw your weight behind it!
2. I tend to categorise “relationships” into casual and superficial, or friends. With friends they are REAL friends – there are no half measures.
3. when I am direct it is a genuine CONSTRUCTIVE criticism – aimed at improvising something. I isn’t a   favourite or picked on person on the end of a suggestion, you say what needs be said to whoever needs to hear it.
4. if i don’t want to do something, i will say so. I am not about to waste days doing thins that make me cringe – will let it be known at outset – is my thing, or no thankyou.
5. directness doesn’t involve a lot of politics…which i LIKE! – the only thing is you have to measure the weight of your comment as in keeping with the person you are aiming it at. I do not comment specifically to hurt anyone.
6. speaking my mind, feels very grown up. You do not avoid anyone or feel unable to take on a dismissive view. You will disagree with an other opinion, and feel perfectly entitled to. I do in this case try to make sure people who am challenging are aware I am informed and happy to stand up aginst the normal approach – this one usually happens in health care – where ideally we would be part of decisions made, but in effect we are not offered opportunity to question and challenge the rationale. I do!
7. business becomes business. you are not dealing with a freind when you need something done. You keep on it -and because you do, you may only get things done to shut you up – but you must emotionally detach to complete a task sometimes
8. people get to know they can trust you implicitly. It means you are WIDE open and extremely vulnerable. You do not have an agenda. You are exactly what they know you as.
9. it is a great advantage when working in a voluntary capacity, with decision  makers, people in positions of perceived power, unjust provision will bother me so much, i can’t sit back and say nothing…. I will say it as it is! I spent years working at a high level with autism provisional strategy makers, and did not always agree with stands being taken – so would refuse to sign off until  was happy. Sadly the end result was i had to leave , as my conscience was NOT being satisfied…and i could not sign up against my principals.
10. direct is NOT same as rude. It is honest, it is genuinely meant…but i can’t be any other way at this stage!

disadvantages:

1. i had to realise that your friends are now quality over quantity – but i prefer that!
2. some people have still not got the capacity to see that if you are fighting for something, it is NOT against somethig else…nor is it against SOMEONE. For instance, i don’t fight for my son and his asperger’s independent outcome, while i would take on  challenges and obstacles.  i would lobby against health and educational contacts? I inform parents of how to be aware of options.
3. I exert desperately high standards on yourself. i am too honest and critical of my work, that until you feel it is perfect, you will NOT let it finish.
4. Some people do NOT deal with the concept that the world should have much less of a heirarchical system. i feel we are ALL EQUAL – a lot of people do not seem to be able to accept that .We are entitled to feel equal -as able, that we have a say and can use it!. Again this can particularly shock those in “power”.
5. When sorting out a situation…eg a classroom, choral or theatre group….when NOT having favourites, and not paying into the entitlement or hierarchy…you can annoy people. But you if in charge in a situation have to take charge – and with that comes blame…but you have to do what you know is fair to all! And you have to ultimately sign off on the work, so you be honest, say all you have to, and hope people are grown up enough to see your motives.
6. it is so hard to walk away from a situation where you see injustice, and you want/need to try to sort it out. Husbands phrase is “pick your battles” – but that is a challenge for me.
7. I tend not to trust fully a specialist opinion, so you must research, question, possibly really piss off the practitioner – but YOU do NOT back down. there is only one God making decisions for you, everyone else is human…EQUAL , and fallible…question and second guess needed.
8. I  tend to raise your family as people who will sit up and say politely: ” i hear your opinion, but i simply don’t agree. We have always been taught to have our own opinions”…this is fine til you are on the receiving end…or when you realise that they will exact the same high standards of themselves as you did on yourself!
9. Its very very hard to walk away. You don’t ever feel off duty. dont ever feel that perhaps ther was more you could have done, you assess every situation. Would take on other people’s battles…and i haven’t really worked out where to draw that line fully!
10. I set myself up as a target…seems unfair, but you are often misquoted, your motives taken out of context, your words not taken as they were meant – where they are pro-X …not anti-Y …you need develop strong shoulders and be sure you can live with the people who walk away…

i can.

this is the only way i can do the world…

it is tiring!

you avoid NOTHING.

i can’t apologise for that..

i am fair and just…

and VERY honest.

that’s just me…

and it does NOT make life easy.

hx